Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant is a wallflower.Female/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 42 Deviations 687 Comments 5,233 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

razzle dazzle.
she is a star.
slowly, but surely,
burning out.
her loose smile and
enigmatic eyes lock
secrets deep within a
realm of disorganized
she has a dislocated
heart that knows only of
disorientated and alone,
she has no place she
belongs to.
at night, when the demons
come out to play, she will
surrender to the
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 1 3
watch me self-destruct.
i can taste the salt
in the air and feel
the ground crumble
underneath my feet.
i am slipping, neck-
deep in melancholy
and soon to go
all the way under.
i've forgotten the difference.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 2 5
once upon a time
A. i loved you
because you
could always
make me smile
and every time
i missed you,
you would
sweet nothings
through the
phone and remind
me not to worry,
that we'll be
together soon.
B. you were my
because you
understood me.
you could easily
be my shoulder
to cry on or
even the one
i could sing my
heart to.
you were
there for me.
C. we were the
epitome of
'meant to be'.
because i know
when everything
is changing
you and me will
be constant.
and your eyes
twinkle with
promise. as long
as i've got you...
i'd have
something to
hold on to.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 3 6
you smell like rain.
i. i remember listening
to the soft strum of guitar
before falling asleep in
your arms. whispering hello
to the morning sun
and dancing to the
pitter-patter of our hearts.
ii. memories of flying in
butterscotch skies,
surfing waves of light;
as long as i'm with you
nothing can hurt me. we'll
explore forever, you and
me alone, together.
iii. reminiscing bittersweet
yesterday is only a pathetic
substitution for reality. while
everything (including you) is
moving on without me, i'm
searching for an answer, and
still wondering, why?
iv. you know i'll wait. for you,
for sanity. because
i can't stop stumbling,
tripping, and falling all
over the place. looking for
a way out of this subtle
vi. please, take me back
to innocence. please,
i'm suffocating in truth, but
i can't stop playing these
make-believe games. i'm
screaming for a fairytale,
maybe even a happily ever
vii. i'm throwing up
butterflies & waking up
from this nightmare. believing
is all i have left,
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 8 13
nine kinds of wonderful.
darling you're special,
don't you dare forget it.
hold on to your dreams
and let the sky whisk away your worries,
let yourself fall into serenity-
just dont forget your parachute.
a thousand fireworks
couldnt dazzle me the way you do.
because even though playing with fire
is a risky game,
taking chances is worth it.
hopeless and desperate
for affection; hidden fears,
and hiding insecurities
only feed the monster
within you.
despite the dark sullen, circles
and faraway gaze;
your eyes shimmer with twinkles
of seafoam green and
forget-me-not blue.
                   i'm a puzzle
                   and everything is confusing and misunderstood.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 9 23
and maybe there was something.
you never locked your door
but i still knocked anyways
and i was begging you
let me in...let me in...
(i know you heard me but you never opened up, not once)
i was sitting on the steps
and thats when you came out instead
how uncalled for.
but you sat beside me
put your head in my lap
and let it all out
then you went back in and locked the door for good
i've never seen you come out since.
(i say you werent worth it but yes, yes you were)
you're special like that
you left a scar
and no matter what i do
that faint mark will remain
ugly but,
(don't fret, i can't forget you even if i tried)
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 4 16
lights, camera, action.
All the world's a stage
So let's prance about it
Soak up the spotlight
And we'll shine.
Just like the stars.
Escape this world,
join mine.
The rain will dance for us
and the daffodils will hum their sweet melody.
i promise you my dear.
just trade in this reality
it's as easy as
where will we go? where will we go?
our destination.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 1 2
daddy's little girl.
Gathering your things
you kiss me swiftly on the cheek
assuring me for the thousandth time
"Sweetie, be strong"
I hug you for an eternity
tightening my grip although you hint for me to let go
And I do want to let go,
let go and learn to cope
Finally I wave to you my last format of good bye
You pick up the luggage and head off to the "DEPARTURE" sign
the airport suddenly so empty
like my heart.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 4 6
bruises will blossom.
belt, broom, coat hanger, cane.
these leave the scars on my ankles
the bruises on my arms
the ache in my heart.
ouch, the physical pain
it hurts as hell
but i'll recover
because my body will heal
for the tears i weep
a box of Kleenex
and a tub of Ben and Jerry's
is just the right antidote
but all i wonder
is why there isnt a bandaid for my heart.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 4 18
im losing her
she's falling too quickly
....too quickly
i try to pull her to me
but it hurts too much,
and i dont like when it hurts
i feel her slipping
i dont think i can go on
no, i KNOW i cant go on
but i guess im not strong enough
and sorry but i have to...
let go
no wait!
i think i feel regret
yepp for sure its regret
i wish i could go back to before but i know and you know
that its too late
we cant go back but maybe....
could we move forward?
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 2 5

Random Favourites

night. by Amertie night. :iconamertie:Amertie 106 159
today is the day you remember how to breathe.
there is an ocean of thoughts, nightmares, and gray days; cross it and find yourself on sandy shores and midnight blue skies;
count the stars and breathe in dreams of sunshine. wake up late with the dreams still lingering in your heart, dreams like promises and dragonfly kisses,
candlelight that won’t fade.
play on imagination like a piano, words flowing like soft melodies, painting pictures of meadows under soft skies and the smiles of kids on playgrounds; hop-scotch and held hands and snowball fights.
breathe in moonlight for a change; dance with your heart wide open and unafraid. pretend fireflies are stars, and find constellations in them,
fall asleep with a song in your heart waiting to be heard. light happiness like a match and let it keep you warm, like a blanket, and let hope be the pillow you rest your head on.
realize life has no patterns, no lines. make your own pattern, your own kaleidoscope of rainbow thoughts and hopes. p
:iconamertie:Amertie 379 237
Joe Jonas by the-wandering-child Joe Jonas :iconthe-wandering-child:the-wandering-child 250 41 Randy and Nigel - 17 by justflyakite Randy and Nigel - 17 :iconjustflyakite:justflyakite 2,782 860
i see your silhouette;
hear your shimmering scream
as you break to shards,
then crumble to dust.
but i don’t blame you.
in this psychedelic world
where everything feels surreal,
it’s tough to capture the vivid pain
and to transform it from something wild
into something serene and soft.
or to chisel the raw, fiery passion
into a masterpiece.
it may take a fight,
but if you come with me,
i promise-
you will no longer be empty.
:iconbilbilbs:bilbilbs 3 1
she's a neon girl by bailey--elizabeth she's a neon girl :iconbailey--elizabeth:bailey--elizabeth 1,160 226 s u n r i s e s by nilgunkara s u n r i s e s :iconnilgunkara:nilgunkara 1,225 95 Spying Spiders. by Slinkers Spying Spiders. :iconslinkers:Slinkers 2,106 527 sweetly numb by bailey--elizabeth sweetly numb :iconbailey--elizabeth:bailey--elizabeth 692 71
when i look in the mirror.
things you touch turn silent.
hearts can be blacked, burnt, ashy - but you take the ashes and burn, burn, burn them until there's only a memory left, a memory that's all edges and icicles.
you leave me cold, empty and
i don't want to breathe anymore.
'darling, you would do well to remember-
you can't have a light at the end of the tunnel
if you have no tunnel.
darling, you would do well to remember -
you are not empty. you are not empty.
[it's still hurting, after all. it's still hurting
and you don't want to live,
but you're not empty.]
darling, you would do well to remember-
they love you. they love you,
they love you.
even if you're not sure why.'
you wish gravity would hurry up and take you.
maybe then you'd finally crash, instead of falling all the time.
maybe then it'd be over.
there is a war in your eyes, a fight for survival, a will to breathe, live, smile again.
you miss the laughter and the light you used to have. you miss making people smile.
:iconamertie:Amertie 240 205
lubov by bailey--elizabeth lubov :iconbailey--elizabeth:bailey--elizabeth 676 198
before, she would look at the stars and wonder if her someone was out there, somewhere, looking at the same ones. she'd dream of magic and flying and wishes that come true. she'd say tomorrow will be better, tomorrow will be better. and she hoped it would be.
silence didn't scare her back then. see, she was too busy looking at the clouds and comets to worry about the imperfections and the dangers of flying.
open doors didn't remind her of people leaving. they just reminded her of chances,  risks worth taking. her heart sang a lullaby filled of hope and happiness and learning how to stand again, learning how to breathe. her heart still knew how to breathe back then.
and when it rained, she would close her eyes and imagine it was a beautiful poem filled of fairytale happiness and promises that no one would ever break.
now, she just closes her eyes and wishes it would go away. now, she wishes the silences wouldn't drag on because maybe then her thoughts wouldn't suffocate her. s
:iconamertie:Amertie 279 294
and when the music stops.
i tried to dance on the breath of time with you, but
i only ended up tripping.
i would've let you be the rocket if i would've been space.
[space is black, lonely, empty.
rockets are hopeful, beautiful. rockets are goingsomewhere.]
this is the shadow of a memory, the breath of a chance.
we could've spent the rainy days chasing the dreams in your heart.
and maybe, if we had more time, we could've looked into ourselves and thought of ourselves as a garden.
maybe then we would've realized that the weeds are there for a reason.
maybe then you would've believed me when i called you beautiful.
we put veils over the parts of ourselves we wanted to hide.
you breathed waterfalls and holes and explosions.
[as much as you loved beautiful things, you were best at destruction.]
i found comfort in your shadow, but your shadows never were very forgiving. i only managed to get lost, without a co
:iconamertie:Amertie 286 209
feather by Pretty-As-A-Picture feather :iconpretty-as-a-picture:Pretty-As-A-Picture 1,893 85




is a wallflower.
i am gelila
and i am unable to define myself in confined boxes.

Current Residence: somerwhere over the rainbow
Personal Quote: may the force be with you.
on show.

time is passing by faster than i can count the days that are turning to weeks to months to years that i'll look back on and wish that i had just lived without schedule.

such ideals won't get me where i need to go.

these days it's like everything in my life is looking forward to something.
but what happens when i get there?
isn't there going to always be something more to do?
more work?
higher standards?
a series of accomplishments but it doesn't feel like i've accomplished anything just yet.

this might be all the exam stress talking, but i wonder what my life would be like without the push for perfect, organized agendas, maintained efficiency and maximized productivity.

can someone tell me what is means to live in the present?
i imagine it to be rather boring.

these are just the untamed questions i think about every now and then.
it's not like anything's going to change.

on another note,
i haven't been active very much, and to be honest i haven't written anything in about a long time. i didn't even notice until my friend pointed it out to me.
it's not dA or writer's block. i still love writing and all but due to time constraints, my priorities have shuffled.

exams are in a week, so no promises for anything soon. but when the chaos dies down a bit i promise to make an effort to post. (:

happy belated 2011 to you all.
  • Reading: exam notes
  • Drinking: perrier

Journal History


Add a Comment:
nightfall8705 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday, Gelila! How have you been? It's been a long time!
nightfall8705 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Happy early birthday, Gelila! :hug:
nightfall8705 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday! :heart:
nightfall8705 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
rileysaurus Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2010
you're being watched by dA's number one dinosaur :'D
jeli-lo Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2010
i'm absolutely honoured (:
electrickiss Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the fave. (:
jeli-lo Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010
you deserved it (:
TheFoxAstronaut Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!
jeli-lo Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010
you're welcome C:
Add a Comment: