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About Deviant is a wallflower.Female/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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razzle dazzle.
she is a star.
slowly, but surely,
burning out.
her loose smile and
enigmatic eyes lock
secrets deep within a
realm of disorganized
she has a dislocated
heart that knows only of
disorientated and alone,
she has no place she
belongs to.
at night, when the demons
come out to play, she will
surrender to the
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 1 3
watch me self-destruct.
i can taste the salt
in the air and feel
the ground crumble
underneath my feet.
i am slipping, neck-
deep in melancholy
and soon to go
all the way under.
i've forgotten the difference.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 2 5
once upon a time
A. i loved you
because you
could always
make me smile
and every time
i missed you,
you would
sweet nothings
through the
phone and remind
me not to worry,
that we'll be
together soon.
B. you were my
because you
understood me.
you could easily
be my shoulder
to cry on or
even the one
i could sing my
heart to.
you were
there for me.
C. we were the
epitome of
'meant to be'.
because i know
when everything
is changing
you and me will
be constant.
and your eyes
twinkle with
promise. as long
as i've got you...
i'd have
something to
hold on to.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 3 6
you smell like rain.
i. i remember listening
to the soft strum of guitar
before falling asleep in
your arms. whispering hello
to the morning sun
and dancing to the
pitter-patter of our hearts.
ii. memories of flying in
butterscotch skies,
surfing waves of light;
as long as i'm with you
nothing can hurt me. we'll
explore forever, you and
me alone, together.
iii. reminiscing bittersweet
yesterday is only a pathetic
substitution for reality. while
everything (including you) is
moving on without me, i'm
searching for an answer, and
still wondering, why?
iv. you know i'll wait. for you,
for sanity. because
i can't stop stumbling,
tripping, and falling all
over the place. looking for
a way out of this subtle
vi. please, take me back
to innocence. please,
i'm suffocating in truth, but
i can't stop playing these
make-believe games. i'm
screaming for a fairytale,
maybe even a happily ever
vii. i'm throwing up
butterflies & waking up
from this nightmare. believing
is all i have left,
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 8 13
nine kinds of wonderful.
darling you're special,
don't you dare forget it.
hold on to your dreams
and let the sky whisk away your worries,
let yourself fall into serenity-
just dont forget your parachute.
a thousand fireworks
couldnt dazzle me the way you do.
because even though playing with fire
is a risky game,
taking chances is worth it.
hopeless and desperate
for affection; hidden fears,
and hiding insecurities
only feed the monster
within you.
despite the dark sullen, circles
and faraway gaze;
your eyes shimmer with twinkles
of seafoam green and
forget-me-not blue.
                   i'm a puzzle
                   and everything is confusing and misunderstood.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 9 23
and maybe there was something.
you never locked your door
but i still knocked anyways
and i was begging you
let me in...let me in...
(i know you heard me but you never opened up, not once)
i was sitting on the steps
and thats when you came out instead
how uncalled for.
but you sat beside me
put your head in my lap
and let it all out
then you went back in and locked the door for good
i've never seen you come out since.
(i say you werent worth it but yes, yes you were)
you're special like that
you left a scar
and no matter what i do
that faint mark will remain
ugly but,
(don't fret, i can't forget you even if i tried)
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 4 16
lights, camera, action.
All the world's a stage
So let's prance about it
Soak up the spotlight
And we'll shine.
Just like the stars.
Escape this world,
join mine.
The rain will dance for us
and the daffodils will hum their sweet melody.
i promise you my dear.
just trade in this reality
it's as easy as
where will we go? where will we go?
our destination.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 1 2
daddy's little girl.
Gathering your things
you kiss me swiftly on the cheek
assuring me for the thousandth time
"Sweetie, be strong"
I hug you for an eternity
tightening my grip although you hint for me to let go
And I do want to let go,
let go and learn to cope
Finally I wave to you my last format of good bye
You pick up the luggage and head off to the "DEPARTURE" sign
the airport suddenly so empty
like my heart.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 4 6
bruises will blossom.
belt, broom, coat hanger, cane.
these leave the scars on my ankles
the bruises on my arms
the ache in my heart.
ouch, the physical pain
it hurts as hell
but i'll recover
because my body will heal
for the tears i weep
a box of Kleenex
and a tub of Ben and Jerry's
is just the right antidote
but all i wonder
is why there isnt a bandaid for my heart.
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 4 18
im losing her
she's falling too quickly
....too quickly
i try to pull her to me
but it hurts too much,
and i dont like when it hurts
i feel her slipping
i dont think i can go on
no, i KNOW i cant go on
but i guess im not strong enough
and sorry but i have to...
let go
no wait!
i think i feel regret
yepp for sure its regret
i wish i could go back to before but i know and you know
that its too late
we cant go back but maybe....
could we move forward?
:iconjeli-lo:jeli-lo 2 5

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is a wallflower.
i am gelila
and i am unable to define myself in confined boxes.

Current Residence: somerwhere over the rainbow
Personal Quote: may the force be with you.
on show.

time is passing by faster than i can count the days that are turning to weeks to months to years that i'll look back on and wish that i had just lived without schedule.

such ideals won't get me where i need to go.

these days it's like everything in my life is looking forward to something.
but what happens when i get there?
isn't there going to always be something more to do?
more work?
higher standards?
a series of accomplishments but it doesn't feel like i've accomplished anything just yet.

this might be all the exam stress talking, but i wonder what my life would be like without the push for perfect, organized agendas, maintained efficiency and maximized productivity.

can someone tell me what is means to live in the present?
i imagine it to be rather boring.

these are just the untamed questions i think about every now and then.
it's not like anything's going to change.

on another note,
i haven't been active very much, and to be honest i haven't written anything in about a long time. i didn't even notice until my friend pointed it out to me.
it's not dA or writer's block. i still love writing and all but due to time constraints, my priorities have shuffled.

exams are in a week, so no promises for anything soon. but when the chaos dies down a bit i promise to make an effort to post. (:

happy belated 2011 to you all.
  • Reading: exam notes
  • Drinking: perrier

Journal History


Add a Comment:
nightfall8705 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday, Gelila! How have you been? It's been a long time!
nightfall8705 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Happy early birthday, Gelila! :hug:
nightfall8705 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday! :heart:
nightfall8705 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
rileysaurus Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2010
you're being watched by dA's number one dinosaur :'D
jeli-lo Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2010
i'm absolutely honoured (:
electrickiss Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the fave. (:
jeli-lo Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010
you deserved it (:
TheFoxAstronaut Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!
jeli-lo Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010
you're welcome C:
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